She said keep on learning woman.

We heart It

I have been learning so much lately. This past weekend was jam packed with different events and thoughts and dreams. I'm trying to process it all and I'm so glad to be alive.

My body has physically been so exhausted, which is so frusterating because I want to do MORE. I've been trying a few different natural approaches to hopefully boost my day to day endurance. We will see.

I have a lot of thoughts jumbled in my brain wanting to come out, but I can't quite make sense of them yet. It may take time. I need to make time to think things through more often. I get thoughts I don't want to let slip away, but if I don't make time to really mule over them I know I never will.

A few things I want to do sooner than later are

night hiking and swimming

bike riding all around provo

baseball games

ultimate frisbee

urban hiking

take lucy in the mountains to EXPLORE

sew curtains and skirts

paint a big picture with lots of COLOR

yardwork

finishing painting our house

spend a morning reading my Bible at a coffee shop

stay in bed all day (basically)

find more recipes for LARGE groups

grow a garden

take time to think and write

Thats what I have to share for now.

Living for a mirror

We are not made for mirrors. We weren't made to focus on ourselves constantly. We were made to worship something. We make the choice of what we chose to worship day to day.

So glad to report the pathology report came back on my dad TOTALLY clean! Definitely a reason to be praising God today. He went home yesterday and is so glad to be out of the hospital. He is doing so well and seems pretty encouraged. Of course he still has plenty of healing to do, but I'm sure the good news has brightened his spirits!
Caleb and I had a low key weekend. Friday night church went well. I got to talk to one new girl and she encouraged my heart. She goes to a local baptist church here in town, this was her first time in our doors and she stated, "You guys aren't very ritualistic, but I can tell the whole reason you are here is because you love Jesus and that's why you do any of this". I told her that's the truth, that is why we are here.
We had people over after church and it was so good to fellowship with friends old and new. I was exhausted and slept in as late as I could Saturday morning. Then we went to the hospital most the afternoon into the evening.
Sunday morning we took my grandma to the airport. I will miss her. It was so good to get to know her and spend time with her. I hope Caleb and I can make a trip out to good ol' Iowa sometime soon.
Then we had breakfast with Caleb's Auntie Tony who was in town. We went to Porcupine, and it was so nice to chat with her. She recently went on a mission trip to Yemen to teach english to medical students, and it was so challenging to hear her stories and the struggles she witnessed while there. God is moving even in places with intense bondage such as Yemen. We can't even understand as americans, our spiritual freedom here. It is a gift I take for granted much to often.
Then we came home and I crashed for a nap. Once I woke up the sun was drawing us in and we went to the park to play fetch with little Lucy and soak in the warmth. The rest of the afternoon was filled with yardwork and then later relaxing.
Monday came all too soon, but it'll be weekend again soon enough. I am so relieved dad is doing so well and I can't wait to see him back on his feet as his old self. Thank you for all the prayers and support.

stay open eyes.

man, its been a hard week. Very hard. I want to crawl in a ball and maybe just quit for one day, stay in bed one whole day. At the same time, I know I need to keep moving. 

My dad is in the hospital, he had surgery. They took the ball of cancer he had in his colon out. Its the strangest thing to watch him struggle to walk 3 feet and to be in a bed all day in pain. He's definitely recovering well, its just not a good feeling to see your father become older. He's always been invincible until this whole cancer thing. I'll say it, I don't like getting old, then that means everyone else around me gets older too. 

I stayed at the hospital last night, he did so well. He just hit his morphine button every 15 min and that helped him sleep for an hour in between the times the nurse came in. They have these easy chairs that fold out completely into beds and that's where I was on by my dad's side. Its a new experience having a sleep over with your dad at the hospital, I'm glad I was able to. 

Today I'm just plain worn out. Yet, I still know I need to fight for the gospel. My dad definitely would, no matter how he felt, and I'm sure I only feel a fraction of the exhaustion he does. He's doing so well. He'll be out be tomorrow most likely. He is on a liquid diet and they are waiting for a bowel movement.

Headed out to do all worship tonight at church. Pray God moves and changes this stubborn old valley. Pray He rips down barriers keeping us from loving more deeply, more truthfully.

St. Patricks Day

My dad is in the hospital now having surgery. Please pray for a smooth procedure and quick recovery. I'm headed over there in an hour or so. Thank you for all your support. Let's just get this stupid stuff outta him. Well, not us, but doctors.

dreaming again

oh man. I want her sooooooooo bad. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=352999274285&ref=mf. She's the perfect sister for LUCY!!!!!

challenging weekend. God is definitely working in my heart, and with the intense desire to follow Him and give Him everything is seems my selfishness rears its ugly head even more openly.
I definitely recommend looking into the life of Keith Green. He is definitely a man who did not compromise and literally lived his whole life out for the gospel. The thing that just takes me over the edge is he died at 28 in a freak accident. In his short years of life he touched thousands, with his caring hand. He didn't shove anything down people's throats, he just sang love songs to Jesus and gave hundreds of people a place to live and eat and recover from this ugly world. Check him out-http://amzn.com/1595551646

A couple questions God has put in my heart this weekend that I've been dwelling on
-If I died tomorrow would I be known for loving the gospel. Is that how people would remember me? I'm certainly not there yet, but thats where I want to be.
-What is my goal(dream) in life? What is holding me back from accomplishing that? What can I purge from my life to reach my goal?

God is searching my heart. He is igniting me, but at the same time everything feels harder and heavier when He does that. Its so worth it though, nothing else is worth what Jesus is.

Provo Really is alive.

I've had a lot to think about lately. I'm so glad God brought me to Provo, and I feel like I'm finally, after 2 years seeing that God wants to consume me here. I feel like in the last 5 months I have really been able to dip both feet in the water instead of holding back. I had a long talk last night with an amazing woman named Joellen. Her faith challenges me in so many ways, she does jail ministry and trusts God month to month to provide for her and her family because she feels He wants her where she is and she doesn't let the paycheck guide her way. She is so full of hope and peace. She gives God's hope to so many hurting and deeply wounded people and yet she is one of the most joyfilled, laugh out loud woman I've met. We suddenly started talking about what type of work I want to be doing for a long time, what are the deep passions God has planted in my heart. Most jobs I take are a means to the end. I haven't really pursued a job because its what I really truly want to be doing, I've looked more for the paycheck and benefits. Don't get me wrong there is definitely a balance, but God is tugging at my heart in a new way. I'm praying about what God might want me to do be doing as a "career". Mostly meaning if money meant nothing, what truly inspires and drives me. Definitely the answer is people, and helping people. I'm not sure what that looks like and that could honestly be a position in the hospital no doubt. I always have to keep reminding myself no matter where you are, you are in ministry, sometimes you just have to do some computer work along with it. Its amazing we can grow closer to God everyday and that won't stop til the day we die. We won't ever understand everything about God and how He moves in our hearts, but He is so real and intimate and I love when He slowly uncovers my eyes to see things a bit more in His view.

Thank you

I wanted to write a quick post thanking everyone for the amazing birthday wishes and celebration! I had such a wonderful weekend, which carried into Monday night with a surprise party planned by my one and only amazing hubby! I didn't have a clue, and so many warm wonderful friends were there to celebrate. I am so grateful for the caliber of people God has put in my life. I'll post pictures soon!! Have a wonderful Tuesday, I've got a full day of work, then taking Lucy to the vet for shots and then women's group where I get to teach. Super excited about what God has for us tonight.