I heard the women on the other line, she was much older, definitely a grandmother, which made me even more upset about sitting at this desk. It made me upset about choices made, but again, its a season. Its just such a long season.
I wanted to be out defending crime victims, but really in the end I'd probably just cry myself to sleep each and every night.
I wanted to be working in the animal shelter, but then again if I cut my hand open I wouldn't be able to go to the Dr. without paying $2000 dollars.
I atleast wanted to be bike riding, or hiking the tallest mountain, just to say that happened. Or even taking a nap, even a nap would be more satisfying at this point.
Its just the hard, long days that get to me. I should be grateful, I am in so many ways, but some days I just wanna say, what did I even want to do? How did I end up where I am?
Then I remember the nights with the spears, and the laurens and the scotts and the trinas. I'm grateful for them. I know that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I know that makes it all worth it, but maybe I should've stayed in school. Found something important to claim, some title to bare.
If I would've stayed I wouldn't have half the life I have now. I would still be there, in that dorm. Not knowing what I really cared about.
Its all a puzzle and pieces really do fit just right, its just you don't see the picture until the puzzle is fully finished. I wish this section was complete and I was outside running in a sprinkler.